|
Today has been really rough for me. To start with, I dislike the entire Christmas season. I have for all of my adult life. I think it may have to do with unrealized dreams or wants or desires. It's like all those Christmas gifts that you really hoped you would get, but never did, have built up to create this monumental distain for the event at the crux of these unrealized desires. Every bike I wanted; every skateboard I coveted; every Green Machine that wasn't under the tree on Christmas morning... they're all in there. Then, every gift that I've opened that contained somthing that didn't suit me at all just compounds on that feeling.
And, it's not because I'm greedy or still want those things. I think it's because of the hidden message behind those bad gifts that says, "We don't know you well enough to get you what you'd really want." Or, "I don't care enough about you to get you what you really want."
Somehow, I've managed to let all of that build up inside me. Doesn't it make sense that it would build up? I mean, it's not like you can confront those feelings with the person/people that have failed you. You can't open that package on Christmas morning and look at your mom/dad/wife/brother/kids and tell them that they've failed miserably and that you're disappointed. No. You smile generously and tell them thank you.
On top of that, there's been all of this talk about the Mayan calendar and the end of the world. So many people have been talking about it; anticipating it, almost longing for it. They awakened this morning, just like every Friday morning and went on with their lives. The end that they believed in never came.
So, I've been grumpy. And, I'm taking it out on Jenna.
I don't like that. She doesn't like that.
|
